yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
