im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
