Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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