We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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