Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
