This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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