made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
