i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
