I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Sorry about my life...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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