Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
