now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
