So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
