ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
