apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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