friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
