you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
