I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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