shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
