i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
