The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
