u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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