I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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