Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
