I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Pooping to opera.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
