i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
