Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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