At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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