Just cropdusted the office
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
