mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
