i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
