dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
