you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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