I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize