dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
