first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
