put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
