All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
