Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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