standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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