Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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