My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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