My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
