Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
