fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
