think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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