What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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