I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I need moral support for this bender
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
