This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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