just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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