how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
