how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
