just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
how do you play pong handcuffed?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
