So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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