the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
