he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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